You can't have a legitimate sports blog during the playoffs without making a few predictions. It's just not allowed.

Unfortunately, I--like many Cubs fans--wear my predictions on my sleeve every season, so there's no point in wasting your time with a lengthy explanation about why I believe the Cubs are going all the way this year. They just will. "It's gonna happen" and all that jazz.

The series against the Dodgers? I'm thinking Cubbies in four.

So with a few minutes remaining before the first pitch gets things underway, I'm going to make a few more predictions that go beyond winning and losing. We'll see how effective my soothsaying skills as the next month plays itself out, but for now:

I predict that Jim Belushi will be burned at the stake in Daley Plaza if he ever again dares to "rewrite" and cover a classic Cubs anthem.

I predict that Mike Fontenot will retire at the end of the season to concentrate on starring in more funnyordie.com videos.

I predict that Kosuke Fukudome will draw a walk.

I predict that Mark Prior will be sitting in the stands at Game 3 in Los Angeles, massaging his elbow with tears streaming down his cheeks.

I predict that Aramis Ramirez will get more hits in the playoffs than he did last year. When you're trying to top zero, it isn't that hard.

I predict that Steve Bartman will ride on a "We Forgive You" float in the Cubs World Series Championship parade.

I predict that Felix Pie over Micah Hoffpauir was not a wise roster move, but it won't matter.

I predict that a Cubs World Series appearance will ensure Ron Santo's selection to the Hall of Fame this year.

I predict that your car will get sideswiped in that "Easy Out" parking space near Wrigley tonight. Serves you right for actually scoring tickets!

I predict that numerous celebrities will fill the best seats in Wrigley wearing Cubs hats that still have the tags on them.

I predict that there will be a live goat at Wrigley at some point in the next month, and it will be less gross than that dead one was last year.

I predict that Dusty Baker will be rooting for the Dodgers, dude.

I predict that the slogans on fan-created Cubs t-shirts will only get stupider as the playoffs progress.

I predict that Carlos Zambrano will hit for the cycle in Game 2, becoming the first Cub to do so since Mark Grace in '93.

I predict that a Cubs-Sox World Series will help Chicago's chances of hosting the 2016 Olympics.

I predict that there is simply no predicting some of the crazy things that will happen to the Cubs in the next month.

Got more predictions? Sure you do! Leave 'em in the comments!

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